A hymn I discovered last winter, 2009, that helped me through many of the hard days is Draw Me Ever Nearer, by Keith Getty. They lyrics are as follows:
Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.
May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.
Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.
Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.
Went to another funeral tonight - my good friend Kathryn's mother just passed away on July 3, 2010, from a massive brain tumor. She ended her Second year of struggle in a joyous, indescribable reunion with the Lord Jesus Christ. She is in her Eternal Home now-but the pain for those on earth will continue for weeks, months, years, and decades to come.
Kathryn and her sisters won't have their mother, Eileen, there for their marriages, for their college graduations, one for her high school graduation, for their future-born kids... SO MANY NORMAL memories that are supposed to be had with one's mother, won't be had for them anymore.
God has a reason for why things happened this way - but it sure doesn't make things easier.
The pastor's slogan at the funeral tonight said this, in light of cancer, and secondly in light of the hope Eileen had in her Savior and Precious Jesus: "It is what it is, but it's not all there is."
Eileen knew that the cancer would take her life - yet she lived her life completely for the Lord in spite of it. Sure, cancer - it is what it is, but its not all there is... because she has an overcoming Savior, who was waiting for her as she took her last earthly breathe-Who was waiting for her with outstretched arms, and who, when she finally passed away from this earth, welcomed her into His arms and said, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
I wish I could take all the time in the world to tell you Eileen's story... she was an absolutely phenomenal woman of God. When you met her, it was as if you were the only person in the room who mattered. She was so devoted to everyone she met - she loved with love that I've never seen come out of any other person before.... She loved people JUST like Jesus Christ did. Endlessly.
She took every moment to tell people about Jesus, whether at Lake Country Caring, the center she started, which gave essential clothing and furiture to needy people, or to the UPS man that came to her house to deliver a package (and she answered the door, shaved head with a big scar from her most recent surgery - and talked to the UPS man for 10 minutes, telling him all about Jesus Christ, what He has done for her, and how much she could live through because of Him).
Family came first for her. Period. She was so involved in her girls' lives. She and her husband loved each other in such an icnredible way. I've never seen a marriage like theirs. Such intense, genuine care and love for one another. Her husband, Neil, said that every night that he and Eileen were married, they would fall asleep holding hands. He said that they had a beautiful courtship, romantic marriage, and a wonderful friendship - they loved, honored, and cared for one another to the fullest sense of the words.
Every morning she would be up early, with a big cup of coffee, curled up on the couch reading the Word of God... and one by one her daughters would wake up and come down to snuggle with her, while she shared with them what God was teaching her that morning from the Scriptures.
That is SO precious. I've never known a relationship like that with anyone before - much less family. What an incredible blessing Eileen was. What an incredible disciple of the Lord Jesus. What an extraordinary example for us all to follow!
It was said of her tonight, that she could look at even the most rotten person, with the most 'dirt' and 'sin' evident in their life, and she could pick out the jems - the good in their person. She was always encouraging, always giving wisdom, always building people up, always going the extra mile.
I cried so hard tonight. She was just an incredible woman! So much love, so much guidance and wisdom.
They played many of the songs that got me through some of my most recent losses as well, which I'm sure added to the emotion of the night.
My friend Cameron passed away last summer, August 1st, 2009. His 1 year anniversary is coming up soon.
Some very intense, brutally raw, painful experiences happened to me over the course of last summer, and I guess I'm still not past those things yet either. Having summertime back in my face, and being back in the same area that I was last summer, is very hard. Being around people who have rejected me brings all the pain, loneliness, and sorrow flooding back in.
Then, this past January 27th, 2010, my Grandmother passed away. My family is very close, so losing her has been so intensely hard.
I can't wait until school starts back up, so I can work on moving on again.
Its been a tough rebuilding process, and I'm nowhere NEAR 'pieced back together'. God is definately on the move in my life though (well, when is He not! BUT, I can see bits and pieces coming together right now, and it is so encouraging!)
Tonight at Eileen's funeral was a painful, but incredibly encouraging night.
I am more determined now than ever, to keep striving towards becoming the Godly woman God wants me to be. To just GLOW with the love, strength, and perseverance of the Savior. To love others with every single fiber that is within me - whether I like them, know them, or not. God made us all - and we are all created equal. If we, as the Christians, don't start waking up and living for Jesus Christ, how WILL the world ever come to know Him?
With the end times coming upon us as quickly as they seem to be, its about HIGH time we start getting our act together too.
Pray with me, please:
Lord Jesus, please refine us. Mold us. Discipline us. Help us to become 100% devoted to you. With everything within us Lord, we want to honor you with our lives. We want to share your love. Your care. Your qualities with those who are lost in this world. Jesus, we are your hands and feet - I pray that you would help us to put ourselves aside, and instead focus on others - ALWAYS - just as Eileen did.
God, let us follow Jesus' example, and Eileen's example, and Cameron's example... of what it looked like to be a sold-out follower of You.
Make us more like You everyday. Keep breaking us down, until we see You face to face.
Jesus, give us an ever more hungry desire to search after You, learn more about You, and become like You.
Be our peace and strength in trials; Your grace is sufficient - You can hold us up. Let me fall on You when I don't have the strength to hold myself up anymore. Let us depend on you completely, always.
Thank You for hearing our cries, catching our tears, and feeling our hurt tonight. I know that You are celebrating BIGTIME with Eileen, and are absolutely joy-filled to have her by Your side tonight.
