God means so much to me. Growing up, I had really struggled with believe in God's existance. Does He really love me? Will He really satisfy all my needs? Can I really trust Him to teach me EVERYTHING I need to know?
I continued with my doubt in God through my freshman year of college (2007-2008), as I watched my mom struggle through a really hard battle with double kidney failure, I noticed her faith. Her life was hanging on the line, she either would get a kidney transplant, or most likely pass away... sure, she was scared, but she was made strong by Gods strength. By the hope He gave her. By the assurance she had in Him, that He would protect her and care for her in the best way that He knew how. She had faith that went beyond the shadow of a doubt.
Over the last year, I have faced many painful trials. I have lost a number of dear loved ones, and been through some other very traumatic experiences. At the beginning of it all, and as it continued to unfold in my life, I didn't understand why I should have to undergo such trials. It was then that I remembered that this life is not going to be perfect. Following Christ doesn't mean that everything will be roses and butterflies. Following Christ means that God is going to allow things to happen in your life, that will break you down and soften your heart towards Himself.
Through it all, I have learned, and continue to learn, that God is always there. We can know His presence so intimately in the face of trials...He is here, holding our hands, carrying us through them... and in the end, the trials are always for a reason. They are a part of a bigger picture that we can't see, but God sees it. In the end, we are stronger because of our trials. In the end, we are able to help other people through like trials and situations, because we've been there firsthand, know how it hurts, and can help give them hope.
God has taught me that life is going to throw you some pretty nasty curve-balls in your lifetime - if they haven't come yet, they're coming... but hang tight, because God is in control, and He will never let go of your hand.
God is delightful to me because of His strength. His wisdom. The way He holds me when painful memories consume me. The way He calms me and comforts me through His word, and through talking to me. He knows its hurts. He knows the way is dark and unknown. He knows how it feels to be at every point of life we will face - that is why He can be trusted. He is delightful because of the way that He has revealed His creation to me during this last year. I can't look at ANY aspect of creation the same way. I am continually speechless and amazed at the way the sky looks, at the way the sun sets SO beautifully, the way that the wind wraps around me, the way that a storm rolls in. It gives me shivers and completely overwhelms me to the point of tears most-times. Our God delights me by the way that He has revealed peace to me, through the enjoyment of His creation. How awesome that, when we are enjoying His creation, He is sitting in our midst,enjoying our responses. The thing that has been hitting me most lately is this:
If Gods creations, those beautiful pieces of nature that leave our jaws on the floor, can amaze us and move us to tears... what kind of Immaculate Beauty does God possess. I can't imagine a more beautiful picture than some of the absolutely astounding sunsets I've seen... I can't wait to behold the beauty of God... the thought leaves me shivering with holy fear at His greatness. Quite literally. How GREAT is our God? We haven't the slightest clue. We really don't have the slightest clue...
He is delightful because He is God. Our shield and protector. Our mender and redeemer. He holds my broken pieces in His hands, and He is putting them back together again. Slowly but surely, I can see Him piecing me back together as He heals me with His love and precious grace.
Run to Him with all that you are, because nothing else is worth what He brings to the table. He fills me up, overflowing, as I have never been filled before. He heals the pain that pours from my broken heart. Life your life in reckless abandonment to Jesus. Its the only thing you can do. The only thing truly worth everything.
My God, He dries the tears from my face, reminding me that He's always there, always listening, always loving, always understanding, always having an answer, always dependable... my God, He is always and more.
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